Conversations We Should Have Had
by Achilles1011
Summary: Lauren could see the denial on Bo's face as she presented her with the prophecy, but shortly after she could see Bo begin to doubt what she knew and what Rainer had told her. When Lauren pushes fed up with the entire situation they finally have the talk that they should have had so long ago.


**A/N: I have already written this fic, but here I am writing it again because it finally came up in the promo. Anyways thank-you very much for taking the time to read this fic. **

"No." She heard Bo murmur, Lauren looked back at Bo, who seemed to be sitting on her bed attempting to digest the information that she had just presented. The fact that she could very easily end up dead, the fact that Rainer was the person who had brought all of this about by his return. And that this was in many ways Bo's fault for freeing Rainer to being with without even considering the consequences.

From the place she was standing she could see Bo stand up and begin to pace back and forth across the small space within the bedroom. "I don't understand, I really don't understand. It can't be true, there's no way…"

"I need to find him I need to talk to him." She could hear Bo mutter, the panic in her voice obvious. Lauren sighed and shook her head. She could hear the denial in Bo's voice when she had spoken those first words, the fear and the anger that was also in her voice. This was something more then a prophecy; this was something more then the first signs of doubt Bo had been having about her new lover.

Sighing Lauren walked over and reached out to catch Bo when she turned to start pacing away from her again. "This is happening Bo, just like we told you from the start…"

She could see Bo turn towards her, fury in her eyes. "You don't know him, none of you know him at all."

Lauren sighed as she began to rub the bridge of her nose in frustration and annoyance at Bo. She was used to this behaviour, but this was far beyond Bo's normal stubbornness, this seemed more like denial. She took a breath to try and calm down the irrational anger that was starting to appear.

She was fed up, she was fed up with this entire situation. She was worried and scared for Bo's safety _again_, she was the only one who was in any place to act to prevent Evony from killing Bo. She was angry at Bo for being her stupidly stubborn and childish self, for acting without thinking just like she always did.

But most of all she was exhausted by this entire situation, by having to deal with this entire situation with Bo again. She was tired of worrying about Bo and the mysterious new lover, about what it meant for them and about the fact that Bo had chosen him.

"I just don't… why is it that every time I make a choice, every time I choose my own path, something goes wrong?" She could hear Bo utter those words, the confusion and the sadness in her voice.

"So Rainer is your choice despite all of what I just told you?" She asked. How was it possible that Bo could still think that he was a viable choice after all that she had told her, after the prophecy that she had shown Bo?

"Yes. I love him and he is my destiny." Lauren could hear the conviction in Bo's voice waver as she spoke. The idea in some ways seemed to be absurd that Bo was still convinced that he was her destiny, in the sense that he was her destined lover and not someone she was destined to kill in battle, lest she fall herself.

"Are you sure that he is your destiny?" She could see Bo sigh before shrugging her shoulders.

"That's what I think and that's what I've been told. Lauren I was able to free him, I was able to be useful and I saved him from that train." She could see Bo smile, the fleeting look of happiness on her face before it was twinge with what looked like doubt. "And in the process I found the person I was destined to be with. The person I would chose over and over, who I was meant to be with."

Lauren could feel the anger rising up in her. So had the relationship she and Bo built meant so little to her that she could throw it away?

Had her love for both her and Dyson faded so quickly that they had become nothing to her?

That she could chose Rainer, someone she barely knew, over either of them who had known her for years?

Since when did Bo accept her destiny at face value? Since when did any of this become sane?

"What about Dyson and I then? Were you just playing with us? If you didn't have any feelings for either of us then why did you string us along?" Lauren asked struggling to keep her voice steady and to keep herself calm and composed.

"No I never played with you two I though I had feelings for you because my memories were missing and maybe in a small way… But still whatever I felt, those emotions are nothing compared to what I can have with Rainer, what he can bring me. The feelings he gives me, the happiness and this sense of fulfillment. I know he won't leave me." She could see Bo turn towards her, looking at her with something in her eyes. But all she could feel was anger.

"Listen to yourself speak Bo. You sound brainwashed! Everything is nothing compared to what you feel for Rainer. So then that love you said you had for me?" She snorted in amusement. "I guess you didn't mean it all those times you said I love you then did you? Because whatever you felt was obviously not love if what you feel for Rainer eclipses it."

She could see Bo falter for a few moments as she began to stand up, but she did not stop talking. "I guess then Bo that you didn't mean it when you said that a world without me wasn't a world worth living in, that when you brought me back it wasn't you feelings for me that allowed you to do so. I guess to you I'm nothing more then a scientist am I?"

"No." She could see Bo's face harden as she stood up. "You are so much more then that to me. Because I have feelings for you despite Rainer being here, I still have feelings for you. I thought I still had feelings for Dyson." Lauren opened her mouth to speak again but Bo continued. "But I know what I want and I know that Rainer loves me."

Lauren laughed, a humourless and hollow sound. After all this time and all of this bouncing around Bo had finally made up her mind for good and it had been neither the wolf nor the Valkyrie, it was some unknown man. Bo normally could not make up her mind unless it was something that she perceived as a wrong to not do it otherwise. But here she had finally chosen and it was not with either of them. But there was still one thing she had to know before she could walk away from this situation for the last time.

"Was I ever a choice? Was I ever even an option?" Lauren asked, her voice wavering slightly as she spoke, the sadness creeping in at the idea that despite it all she had only ever been second choice. "Was everything we had just because Dyson had lost his love, and because I was the only one left?"

She could see Bo lift her head,

"I chose you and you broke my heart." She could feel her eyes widen for a moment as a little bit of shock ran through her body but at the same time she could practically hear the venom dripping from Bo's voice, the anger at her and probably at the world around her.

If she had been the choice then why had she been treated the way she had by Bo? If she had wanted them then why hadn't she fought harder to keep them? Why hadn't she fought harder to be with her?

Everything had gone wrong and despite what Bo said it was not only her fault that things had gone wrong. She had a part in in, but so did Bo, a part that she seemed to not want ot acknowledge.

Lauren sighed, bringing her hand up to rub her forehead in annoyance for a moment before she began to speak. "I broke your heart Bo, but you also broke mine. You have broken mine so many times and for each one of them I have forgiven you because I love you and I wanted us and I wanted us to work."

Lauren took a breath before she looked up at Bo, she could feel the anger she had been repressing burning through her as she finally started to yell. "You have used me and you have ignored me, you have put me last in your life and I tolerated it all when I shouldn't have. I was your girlfriend Bo and I came second to Kenzi, I understand that, she is your best friend and your sister, but to come after Dyson?! To come after Tamsin?! You didn't want me anymore, after you realized I wasn't enough so you stopped trying to make an effort."

"So I'm sorry if I have to doubt the idea that you chose me, the idea that you want me and only me because never once in the later half of our relationship did you indicate that, the kiss with Tamsin?" She could see Bo's eyes widen slightly. "Yeah, I know about it, but I had to find out about it from Tamsin because you initiated it! And it was not for feeding either was it?"

Lauren took a breath a sighed before she looked up at Bo. "I will acknowledge that our break up was both my fault as well as yours, but Bo? Never once did you act like you chose me, never once did you fight for me like you used to, never once were you there when I needed you. And I know that you were going through the Dawning and…"

"That's just it Lauren, I was going through the Dawning. My life was collapsing around me; everything I knew was changing. The way I could see myself was evolving, the way I saw myself was changing, my body was changing again, my power was growing." She could hear Bo laugh slightly. "But I knew that I could count on you, on Kenzi. You two were always there for me even when I didn't know I needed it. And then out of the blue, without an explanation or even a reason why you end it, you just end it."

"Lauren, you and Kenzi were and always have been the people I fall back on, and suddenly I had only one of them, she still my best friend, but I needed you Lauren and you just walked away." Taking a breath she blinked back the tears that came at the reminder of their breakup, and at the reminder of this entire mess of a situation.

Lauren sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm herself and stop the sadness that was starting to manifest itself. It was obvious that she was not getting through. "Bo I have loved you for a very long time, but the person you are now, the person you have become? I barely recognize you anymore. I wonder what happened to that kind and selfless woman I fell in love with, the woman who helped me free Nadia despite the pain it was causing you, the woman who fought to free me from my life as a slave?"

"Lauren…" She could hear Bo murmur.

"No." She cut Bo off. "You need to hear this because no one else will do it, no one else will make you look at this. You have been ignoring Kenzi, you sister and best friend, up until she lost Hale you had been ignoring her, so focused on yourself and your conquest, you have become so single minded and driven that you have ignored and played with every single person around you."

"Bo, Dyson and I…" She was cut off a few moments later by Bo lifting up her hand, pausing, she raised her eyebrow.

She heard Bo sigh. "Don't not about Dyson, this has not been about Dyson in a long time Lauren, not since he let his love go the first time."

"You were stringing him along then, you were giving him false hope, or were you back to being unsure Bo?" She asked, the accusation in her voice coming through loud and clear to her own ears. "If you had chosen me like you said then why did you never find me? Why did you never try and sit down to talk this all over with me?"

She could see Bo staring at her

"Were you afraid of what you would find out about me? About us? About yourself?"

She heard Bo growl slightly. "I stopped putting you on a pedestal a long time ago Lauren, a long time ago. After you broke my heart for the first time, after that night. I stopped then. But you it seems haven't…"

Lauren snorted in amusement. "Bo I have not put you on a pedestal since we met, I know that you are a flawed person, you used to be kind, selfless, and had such a big and caring heart. But along with that you were also stubborn, brash, overly emotional, indecisive, ignorant and naïve. But I still loved you Bo. I still love you now, but if you think I will let you blame me for something that is partially your own fault? Not anymore Bo, I am not going to be anyone's doormat anymore."

She could see Bo looking at her, her eyes softening significantly her head dropping. "I'm scared, I was scared. Everyone I've loved has only ever been hurt because of me, and I guess this is no different is it? I hurt you and I don't even realize it, I hurt the people I love just like I always have, ever since I was young with my parents I hurt them when I ran, I hurt Kyle and I ran… I never owned up to that, and I still haven't."

She could see Bo looking up at her, her eyes watering slightly. "I lost you because I hurt you. I played my part in ending us because I didn't give you a reason to believe that I had chosen you and that I loved you more then almost anyone else in my life, that you were so important to me. That I would always be there when you needed me, and that if I could I would choose you every time."

"I find that hard to believe Bo." Lauren said as she sighed again. She found it hard to believe that Bo had chosen her to begin with, let alone that she would chose her if she could. She had never acted that way, Bo had never chosen her. Each and every time it had been someone else, it had always been someone was more important then her, Dyson needed her to do something? She would run to help him.

But it was never her, it had never been her. She let out a humourless laugh, she had to shake her head at her own naiveté. "Bo I meant less to you then anyone else. Now you don't even consider me worthy of talking to, not even worth offering some explanation or closure."

"That's the pot calling the kettle black Lauren and we both know that." Lauren could hear the anger in Bo's voice and see the fire in her eyes. "You don't get to sit on a high horse about this one Lauren this is exactly what you did to me when you put us on break. You didn't even have the decency to break with me properly, to let us both have a chance to move on."

She could see Bo begin to pace for a few moments before she stopped, turning towards her again. "And so to this day I'm not sure whether or not I still have a girlfriend because we never clarified what exactly we are now! You left that necklace for me and so you go my hope up because I though that maybe we stood a chance, but you turned me down and then without any more of an explanation you just walked away. And since then you haven't made any more effort then I have to talk, so here we are in limbo. Again."

"You turned me down, and to this day I still have no reason why we broke up, why you went off to Taft, and also apparently whatever the hell happened while you were on the run!"

"You want to know why I ran off with Taft Bo?" Lauren growled out. "It's because I had no reason to stay here, I had no reason to stay with the Fae, with you gone and out of my life there was nothing tying me here anymore. The work that Taft was offering, the opportunities that he could give me? They were my change to make a difference, to actually contribute something. With him I would be free. With him I would be able to move around as I pleased, and I would be able to live as I chose."

Lauren laughed, it sounded forced and stifling to her own ears. "As for the break? Why I didn't break up with you? Because I was a coward and I didn't have the courage to let you go because I didn't want the one thing in my life that may have actually been worth clinging to, to be gone completely. I couldn't set you free because I couldn't set myself free. How am I supposed to get over you?"

"By letting me go and by giving both of us a chance to live."

"That's the thing Bo. I don't have the courage to let you go. I still haven't thought of a way to get over you and to this day I still haven't found the courage to end it, or to restart our relationship, to put myself back in that kind of pain, at risk for that kind of pain. So instead all three of us fell back into an old holding pattern of ours. But why can't you let me go either?"

She could see Bo look up at her the tears in her eyes. "I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up with all of you gone because you realize that I'm a monster, that I'm this evil thing."

Lauren sighed and allowed her palm to rest against her forehead. "Bo… you know that we would never just walk away from you right?"

"You have before Lauren. After the break up, you just walked away out of my life and away from the Fae. One of the most important people in my life just walks away from me without an explanation or reason." Lauren sighed and took a few steps closer to Bo.

"I walked away because I couldn't take it anymore Bo. You know why I ran off to Taft, why I ran away. But Bo, you have so many people who care for you and who want you, you have a family, and they won't just abandon you." She took a few more steps forward and reached out to cup Bo's cheek gently, using the hand to guide Bo's head so that she was looking into Laurens' eyes again. "And you are not a monster Bo. You are not a monster and you never will be a monster."

She could see Bo's eyes widen for a few moments before she started to blink rapidly, the tears beginning to fall. "But Lauren, don't you see? That's exactly what I've become." She heard Bo whisper, and for the first time in so long she saw those familiar brown eyes look at her without a trace of hate or anger in them, all she could see was softness, warmth, and light.

"I look at myself in the mirror and I don't recognize myself anymore." She heard Bo whisper. She could see the tears falling silently down her cheeks, new ones leaking from her eyes as she continued to speak. "I look in the mirror and all I see is this angry, bitter, selfish person, and I don't recognize her. I don't recognize me anymore."

Lauren had to take a breath in order to suppress the tears that were starting to buildup at the tones in Bo's voice, how the anger was slowly starting to drain away, leaving exhaustion and sadness in it's place. She could see in Bo's eyes the recognition and the realization of what she had done starting to dawn on her, the extent of the damage that her behaviour had caused.

"Bo?" Lauren murmured, trying desperately to keep her voice calm and even, she didn't want to start crying here and now, she desperately did not want to cry in front of Bo, not again. She did not want to give her false hope, she didn't… She could feel the first tear escape from her eyes as she realized just how far they had fallen, just how dire things had gotten between them.

They had gotten to this point, they had allowed things to degenerate to the point where they had been yelling at each other in order to get their points across, where she had finally stood up for herself for the first time far to late to salvage things. She reached out with her other hand to brush a few strand of Bo's hair off of her cheek, tucking it behind her ears as a few more tears escaped from her eyes.

"I offered to claim you. I ignored Kenzi. I used Dyson, and I stood by as I thought I let someone kill themselves. I… don't love Rainer either do I? I…" She could see Bo look at her for a moment before the first sob escaped.

"I'm sorry." She heard Bo whisper. She was about to ask why Bo was apologizing, or rather what she was apologizing for. But then she saw Bo look at her, that same warmth and softness, that look of love she had not seen Bo give her in a very long time.

This was not "I'm sorry for crying."

This was an apology for it all. This was… Everything. She reached out and pulled Bo to her gently as she felt her own tears leak out a little bit more. She could feel Bo bury her head in her neck as she began to sob in earnest and Lauren sighed, allowing her cheek to rest against Bo's head.

For a little while they stayed like that, Lauren simply holding Bo as she cried, tears escaping from her own eyes silently. Eventually she felt Bo move away from her shoulder pressing her cheek against her own.

"I'm sorry that I treated you like dirt." She could feel BO press her cheek against her own as she continued to whisper in her ear. I'm sorry that I made you doubt that you were my choice that I never showed the world you were it for me. I'm sorry for all the Rainer shit and for dragging you through a competition with Dyson again."

She could feel a sob rising up as Bo continued to talk. "I'm sorry I'm an immature idiot who doesn't know how to communicate, but I think that most of all I'm sorry that I made you doubt the fact that I loved you and that you were one of the most important people in your life."

That did it.

She could feel the sob rise up and then escape her before she could prevent it. She could feel the last of her control slip away as the tears that she had managed to suppress began to run down her cheeks.

She cold feel Bo wrap her arms around her waist and in turn Lauren tightened her grip as they both began to cry.

There was no doubt in her mind that she loved this woman.

That she loved Bo so much.

But did this really change anything? Did the fact they had finally have this conversation change anything?

She quickly came to realize that she sad answer was no.

She had to break Bo's heart and walk away again.

She could feel one of Bo's hands move up and into her hair, holding her close.

Holding her like she was some precious treasure.

How was she supposed to walk away from this again? She thought as she buried her face in Bo's shoulder, soaking in the comfort of the embrace she had been craving for so long. How was she supposed to break Bo's heart again?

Because she had to, she needed to walk away again. She had to be the strong one.

Even if it hurt like hell.

She tightened her grip on Bo's waist, allowing her cheek to lean against Bo's again. She basked in the comfort and the safety she felt in this embrace for a few more moments.

"So where do we go from here?" She heard Bo whisper eventually, her voice sounding raw, more thin likely from crying. Lauren could feel Bo's cheek, wet with tears, pressed against her own. She could feel Bo rocking them back and forth gently.

Lauren shrugged slightly before she felt Bo's arms tighten their grip around her waist, pulling her so close that their was no space left between them. She took a shuddering breath, trying to keep her voice steady and calm. "I don't know Bo." She murmured as she pulled back, cupping Bo's cheek with her palm, she could see Bo leaning into it, her eyes shinning with tears.

"For us repairing what we had would take so much time and so much effort, so many feeling to repair, we need to rebuilt trust on both sides, we need to reopen the lines of communication, we need to sit down and talk about so many more things. Honestly I'm not sure if it would be worth it at the end of the day." She said her voice slowly starting to get more powerful as she spoke. She could see Bo closing her eyes, a few more tears escaping from behind her eyelids.

"I love you." She heard Bo whisper. Lauren smiled sadly, allowing her thumb to stroke over Bo's cheek.

"And I love you. But Bo? Sometimes love just isn't enough."

"If I could go back I would fight for you." She heard Bo whisper, her voice cracking as she spoke.

Lauren smiled sadly as she leaned in to press a kiss to Bo's cheek. "I know you would try Bo. But you can't go back neither of us can. All be can do is move forward now, and right now I'm not sure if the future has us in store at any point down the line."

"Do I still have a chance?"

"I don't know Bo. I don't know anything right now. All I know is that for now? You need to be our champion again, and I need to do my part as well."

"Is this good-bye then?" She could hear Bo's voice cracking as she spoke the words, barely above a whisper.

"No it's farewell for now." Lauren murmured as she pulled away from Bo, slowly breaking the embrace despite the pangs in her heart. "I'll be there on the day of the battle Bo, just like I was last time, just like I will always be. Just because there is no us, does not mean that I stop caring about you and I stop supporting you, I am still your friend at the end of this, and I always will be."

Lauren smiled slightly, sadly. "And if you lose control like you did that one time, I'm the only one who we guarantee can bring you back. Especially since we don't have any other way."

She could hear Bo let out a watery chuckle. "You were the reason I entered that state for the first time, it's kinda fitting that you're also the one to bring me back."

Lauren smiled, she knew that her own eyes were full of tears, but she allowed them to fall as she pulled her hand away from Bo's cheek, allowing it to trail down Bo's body until she could capture Bo's hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. With her free hand she reached into her pocked and pulled out the necklace she had meant to give Bo all that time ago.

She reached out to grab Bo's other hand with her own before she gently placed the necklace in Bo's hand, squeezing both of their joined hands once before she broke the hold she had and took a few steps back.

She could see Bo's hand faltering for a moment twitching as if it was about to reach out and grab hers as she started to walk away.

"Take care Bo. I'll see you in a few days, you can call me if you need me before then." Lauren called out when she reached the doorframe, pausing for a moment to look back, she could see Bo rooted in place, her eyes clouded and watery.

"Anything Bo. I mean anything that I can help you with or if you just need me, I'll be here." She called out, her own voice cracking. She could see Bo standing still and for a few moments she wondered if Bo would chase her and so she took advantage of the fact that Bo was frozen, making sure that she could walk away.

"I'm sorry." Lauren whispered as she walked away, the tears running down her cheeks.


End file.
